How paedophiles prey on single mothers to molest their children

By  Jeff Anthony

Novelist, Big Brother Africa 2 Kenyan representative

What you need to know:

• What behavioural analysis tells us about acquaintance molestation, and how to spot it.

The historical attitude towards the sexual victimisation of children can be summed up in one word: denial. A significant proportion of the public prefer not to discuss it, and a greater part of society pretends such victimisation doesn't occur.

Sexual victimisation of children is still predominantly perceived as ‘one-on-one, intra-familial’ sexual abuse. For the public, the ‘default setting’ still seems to be stranger abduction. Society imagines child molesters as sick perverts and ‘predators’ who physically overpower children and violently force them into sexual submission. The often-forgotten piece of the puzzle is acquaintance molestation. An acquaintance molester is an individual who sexually abuses a child or minor they already know.

People seem more willing to accept a sinister, unknown individual or a ‘stranger’ from a different location or socio-economic background as a child molester, than a clergy member, next-door neighbour, law-enforcement officer, paediatrician, teacher, coach or volunteer.

An acquaintance molester is one of us. He doesn't appear to be an anonymous, external threat or display traits that might portray him as a paedophile. He can't be identified by physical description or questionable character traits. Without specialised training, experience and an objective perspective, he won't easily be distinguished from others.

Acquaintance molesters have always existed, but society, organisations and the criminal-justice system have been reluctant to accept the reality of these cases. Although they are certainly aware of other forms of sexual victimisation of children, when discussing the problem in general, their ‘default setting’ which is the perception assumed without active change, always seems to revert to stranger abduction.

An acquaintance molester is a crafty, patient criminal, masked by his profession and the demeanour of exceedingly pleasant sociable skills. When such an offender is discovered in our midst, a common response has been to displace him without judicial ramifications, perform damage control and try to forget about it while demonising him as an ‘evil’ deceiver.

One of the unfortunate outcomes of society's preference for a ‘stranger-danger’ concept of victimisation is its direct impact on the prevention of the sexual exploitation of children. Victims experience the ‘say no, yell and tell’ guilt. The result is consequential: societal attitudes mean prevention programmes predominantly focus on strangers who intend to sexually exploit children. Probable child victims are repeatedly informed to avoid sexual abuse by saying no, yelling and telling. This technique might work with the ‘stranger’ lurking behind a tree.

Contrarily, children who are manipulated, groomed and actively participate in their victimisation often feel guilty and blame themselves since they didn't do what they were ‘supposed’ to do: they didn't recognise, resist and report. When humans do something they know they weren't supposed to do, they tend not to inform others and lie when asked about it. These manipulated victims may also feel compelled to describe their victimisation in more socially acceptable but inaccurate ways that relieve them of this shame and guilt.

Paedophiles recognise this and use it to their advantage. Most acquaintance child molesters use their occupations, hobbies, neighbourhoods or online computers to gain access to child victims. A vast number of paedophiles concurrently befriend, seduce or marry women who already have children to gain access to their kids.

According to Child Molesters: A Behavioural Analysis by former Supervisory Special Agent of the FBI Kenneth V. Lanning, perpetrators who seek to abuse children deliberately target single mothers to defile their children. These offenders treat their relationships with single mothers as a calculated stepping stone, a process known as secondary grooming (caregiver grooming).

Acquaintance offenders with a preference for prepubescent and adolescent victims patiently spend time courting a potential victim's mother to deceptively detect the best moment to strike. If a dad or male guardian is present, paedophiles are inclined to keep their distance and instantly seek gratification elsewhere. Paedophiles are immensely patient, and getting cordial with the single mother of their future victims tends to take several months.

This process not only gains the victim's initial cooperation but also decreases the likelihood of disclosure and increases the probability of ongoing, repeated access to their victims. A relationship with the single mother also helps in acquiring her immediate trust and confidence and that of her children, and cumulatively validates the paedophile's authority within the family structure.

An acquaintance molester who uses violence to control victims is more likely to expose his intentions and can be easily identified and reported to law enforcement. Conversely, an acquaintance molester who uses secondary grooming to access his victims can easily go unreported for years, if not indefinitely. 

Therefore, the tactic of secondary grooming works to their advantage, giving them prolonged access and minimising the risk of exposure while helping them evade prosecution.

When eyeing single mothers, paedophiles choose their victims based on family structure, and broken homes are a convenient target. A practical behavioural analysis of paedophiles states that they are keen observers and can often detect when single mothers need financial assistance. If they have multiple children, they will offer to regularly ferry them to various extra-curricular activities with the intention of establishing secondary grooming.

Once they've infiltrated the single mother's family, paedophiles control their victims through their private access and family authority. Their control stems from the fact that they now have authority and status over the child, provide and grant developmental necessities such as food, clothing, shelter and attention, and are the source of the child's very survival.

Sexual-exploitation cases involving acquaintance molesters present a multitude of investigative challenges, but they also present the opportunity to obtain a great deal of corroborative evidence, acquire solid legal convictions and prevent continued victimisation.

Jeff Anthony is a novelist, Big Brother Africa 2 Kenyan representative and founder of Jeff's Fitness Center. @jeffbigbrother