Who are we today, and who would we like to be tomorrow? A reflection for the Jewish new year

With the High Holy Days barely behind us and a very important election on the horizon, today is the perfect time to take stock of where we stand, both individually and collectively, and where we would like to be in the coming year.

We pray that this election will bring us the calm we have always longed for, along with the much-needed unity within our small and precious country.

We recognize that we are still in the early stages of grieving for all that we have lost in the past several years. After all, how can we fully grieve when we are still caught up in our daily fight for survival?

That said, as we reflect on the incredible miracle after a horrific airplane disaster was averted, we must acknowledge just how much we have to be thankful for.

The day after this past Rosh Hashanah, the young community to which my children belong, along with various friends and family members, launched a crowdfunding project in memory of my precious three-and-a-half-year-old grandson who died after a courageous battle with cancer.

The family came together to write a Torah scroll for their community to carry Yishai’s memory forward.

Full of joy, mischief, light, and love, he had the kindest eyes, the biggest heart, and the purest smile. His story was about the child he was, the goodness he brought into the world, and the lasting mark he left on everyone who knew him. In his short life, he touched countless hearts and brightened the lives of those around him.

All of this, however, is really background. The real story is that in just under 36 hours – less than two days, all the money they had hoped to raise was reached through the generosity of more than 1,000 people, each of whom donated between NIS 10 and NIS 10,000. None of us could have imagined such caring and kindness, especially from so many who did not even know Yishai, his story, or his family.

The second silver lining in Yishai’s story is that he was the first person in Israel, having died at home, to donate any kind of organ or tissue. Up until now, all transplants have come from hospitalized patients or through Abu Kabir. Yishai donated both of his corneas: one to a soldier and the other to a young woman.

SO, THIS year, as I sat in synagogue asking for forgiveness, I began to contemplate not just my past actions and behavior, but how and what I could and should do differently.

Our behavior offers a message that we hand down to future generations

How we behave with our loved ones, our friends, and those we do not even know is a choice for each of us to make.

Our behavior, both subtly and overtly, offers a message that we hand down to future generations – to our children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. It is a huge responsibility for each one of us and one not to be taken lightly.

Rather, it is a gift to be given the opportunity to rethink and recalculate our personal behavioral GPS in a way that will influence others.

In a world that, in many ways, feels damaged, you can decide how you want to take the generosity and caring of others, as well as the many stories of both hope and tremendous sadness, into the new year.

Having heard about the harshness of earthquakes, fire, horrific weather, plagues, and more over the holidays, how does it affect the seriousness of your prayers and actions?

Having personally said Yizkor for my two parents last year, and now doubling that to four this year, comes with deep sadness that we are forced to acknowledge that not every person’s allotted time is as we imagine.

Some will depart earlier, through tragedy and misfortune. Perhaps this is a reminder for all of us to make better decisions about what really matters, as we attempt to find meaning and focus on who we want to be and how we see ourselves executing a strategy to get there.

While many of the disasters spoken about are not within our control, respect between us and others, how we choose to spend our precious time and with whom, and other aspects of our lives as we move forward are very much within our control.

Individually and collectively, we are accountable for our mistakes.

Have we taken responsibility for our actions? Did we examine the consequences of our behavior? What could we have done differently, and were there other choices that we opted not to see?

Were we caring and compassionate, sensitive to the pain and suffering of others, even those who were not our close friends?

Did we stop long enough to think before we spoke? Were we helpful or hurtful?

Could we have listened more? Were we there for our family, friends, and others?

Perhaps we owe it to ourselves to do the accounting of each of these questions so future generations might benefit from our insight.

Watching clips from the recent attempted hijacking/terror attack on a Flydubai flight, I, like most others in this country, had such a profound sense of gratitude toward the Israeli passengers who knew just what to do given both the dangerous aviation situation and the medical emergency involved.

Hearing the passengers sing “Am Yisrael hai” was a real reminder of the pride we carry and just who we are.

We have heard countless stories about our hostages, too, and their life changes since they were released. We learned what was important to them, and we would do well to evaluate this in our own lives today.

So ask yourself what you can do to make things better. Are you proud of your behavior and that of your loved ones?

What are your short- and long-term goals? Have you discussed them with your children, and have you respectfully listened to their thoughts and ideas?

How have you used your time? Did you and other family members use your time wisely or waste your time mindlessly scrolling?

Is there something you would like to do differently, and if so, what would it be?

Perhaps today is the perfect time to have these discussions. We know just how short life is. Have you told others how much you love them? Have you told them what you need to have to feel calm? Have you been a good friend, neighbor, parent, child, spouse, and family member, and what can you do to be better?

Experiencing the firsthand generosity of others was a real eye-opener for me about appreciation and giving.

I recognize that only I can set my personal goals for my family, friends, work, my emotional and physical health, and more.

And if I fail, and we all will in some way, I can remind myself that even when it feels impossible, I can still take small steps, one at a time, at a pace that I can manage, as I work to make the most of my day.

What are your plans?■

The writer is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Ra’anana and coauthor of The Jewish Journey through Loss: From Death to Healing (Koren Publishers). She has written about psychology in The Jerusalem Post since 2000, specializing in trauma, loss, grief, and bereavement. batyaludman@gmail.com; drbatyaludman.com