What's your love language - and does it actually mean anything?

I'm "words of affirmation", and so is my husband. This is supposedly our shared love language.

But, while we do like receiving compliments, they make us both feel a bit awkward.

Despite this, our result was confidently defined when we took the original Love Languages Quiz online, a personality test published by US pastor Gary Chapman who first came up with the five types of expressing and receiving love in 1992.

I'm sceptical. Does the theory really know more about us than our own lived experience of a 10-year marriage?

The five love languages are: Quality Time, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, and Physical Touch - and they feel more ubiquitous than ever.

Contestants on dating shows ask each other their love languages; "My love language is…" is a common prompt on dating apps.

According to the Love Languages website, my husband and I are just two out of more than 150 million people to have taken this particular quiz.

Even though we scored much lower on some of the other languages, they speak more directly to us.

For example I love spending "quality time" with my husband, and feel much more loved by him making lists of films to watch with me than when he pays me a compliment.

But where did the idea of these five neat categories come from? And are they relevant for modern dating and relationships?

'People still gravitate towards it'

Unlike other relationship theories - such as attachment theory - the concept of love languages doesn't have scientific origins.

Chapman said the theory came to him after observing couples during counselling sessions he held in his parish.

Counselling psychologist Dr Sarah Emmerson told the BBC that love languages are still mentioned regularly in her sessions.

"There's almost no-one out there who hasn't taken that quiz," she said. "[Couples] quite frequently bring that in and say, 'So my partner is Physical Touch and I'm Acts of Service, so this doesn't work'.

"Research has proven that there isn't a lot of validity to the idea that there are only five ways in which people show love, and that everybody fits neatly into these categories. But people still gravitate towards it, and we have to wonder why that might be."

For some, talking about love languages can simply be a useful introduction to thinking about how they communicate their needs to their partner.

Psychotherapist Georgina Sturmer said that it helps people think about "what you really like in a relationship, and what do other people really like" but points out it's "hugely limited" and risks "oversimplifying everything".

Potential for abuse

In recent years, many therapists have also warned that Chapman's examples refer too readily to scripture and unequal relationship dynamics.

In the Love Languages book Chapman describes counselling a woman, Ann, whose husband of 10 years is hostile and verbally abusive towards her, including frequently telling her he hates her.

His love language, Ann tells Chapman, is specifically sexual physical touch.

When Ann says she finds it "hard to be sexually responsive" to him, Chapman advises her that she should "rely heavily upon [her] faith in God" to make herself have sex with her husband more often.

This example also exposes another problem - that love languages can be used to coerce partners into showing or receiving love in a way they're not comfortable with.

"There's a risk if someone says, 'well my love language is receiving gifts, so you must give me gifts all the time, or my love language is physical touch, so you must be physically intimate with me all the time," Sturmer said.

The BBC has contacted the Love Languages team for comment.

So what can couples do if they want to understand each other, and themselves, better?

Listen to your partner: "Don't just wait until you can speak, but try to hear what they are saying and acknowledge their feelings," Dr Emmerson said.

Share how you feel using "I" statements, so you avoid blame: "If you reframe your words to lead with your own feelings, it helps you to express what's going on without leaving the other person feeling criticised," Sturmer explained.

Remember that disagreements are normal: "Healthy relationships often feature debate and disagreement," Sturmer said. "The challenge is not about avoiding rupture, it's about finding ways to repair it that can leave the relationship feeling stronger."

But, Dr Emmerson added, you should "pick the right time to talk about things that are difficult - not late at night, not when they've just come through the door".

Respond to bids for connection: Dr Emmerson said you should "try to be emotionally responsive to your partner when they are seeking connection" - even if they're doing so in subtle ways.

"This could be asking for a hug, or just telling you about something they just saw on their phone."